Monday Morning Quarterbacking

It’s Monday. Historically Moaning Monday because that’s what I did when heading to work to tackle all those things left over from Friday. Or Saturday. Or whatever deadline I missed because there was too much to get done, even after 14 hour days and working Saturday. A workaholics life. Living the dream! Yeah, not so much unless you count nightmares as dreams.

I miss that. I thrived in that environment. Have to do one thing at a time without distraction now. It’s opposite world and it SUCKS!

I have a lot on my mind lately, so I’ve been out of sorts and scatter-brained. Being scatter-brained takes getting used to. I never experienced that before the stroke. New life with an old mindset. It’s still trying to be as it was before, but that’s harder now since some bits are missing. It’s creating new neurons, new connections, new pathways. Construction is noisy and causes its own distractions. I can’t win, I just have to accept. Bleh! Did I mention this sucks? I’m more inclined to using an “f” word, but I don’t this to become to “blue”. I love George Carlin, but I have to consider my audience. And I have a niece and she doesn’t need to see Auntie cussing like a sailor.

But, when one topic raises its ugly head, I would probably make a longshoreman blush. What the frack did we get in the White House? Drain the swamp? It’s a toxic bog now. God, he pisses me off. Pussy grabbing freak. His poor wife. What she puts p with! The embarrassment. The regret. The lack of respect for her. His lack of respect for humanity.  Gah! He is the Worst President Ever!

Immigrants, Mexican’s, all brown people are part of MS13, rapists and murders. Dude, MS13 is a gang HERE. It was created HERE. That’s like saying all black people are part of the Blood’s or Crip’s. Dunce. Someone from Jamaica isn’t part of a gang because they are from Jamaica. If your brain won’t explode from the stress, READ A BOOK. Christ. You’re promoting stupidity.   You’re King of that group. That village of idiots.

He makes me so mad! Fake media, fake news, lies pouring from his ugly face every time there’s a microphone in range. His minions are the same. They just parrot his crap. Make America Great Again? Was it so bad when a black man was in charge? The GOP screwed it up, but that’s what they do. GOP cut taxes? Never. GOP cut back spending? That is laughable. ROFLMAO! Make the rich richer, starve the poor to death. They can’t manage anyway, so get rid of them. Old and poor? You’ve lived and didn’t make enough, so hurry up and die. If you are disabled, your family better take care of you, cause America needs her guns and ammo and tanks and a perpetual war machine to scar the carp out of anyone. Ho-yah MF!

We spread destruction and death and we have those who promote it gleefully. Strange, they are GOP too. Like one dude who seriously needs a barber. Walrus much?

Palestinians. Not to detract from what the Jews suffered,  but aren’t they doing that to the Palestinians?

A brief history lesson – I know this because I READ. WPOTUS doesn’t. I doubt he’s read the Bible. He just misquotes it enough. I have read the Bible, both testaments, and the Koran. Jews and Muslims don’t believe Jesus is the son of God, but Jews, Muslims and Christians ALL believe in Moses and Abraham. The Koran even sites Miracles Jesus performed as a Holy Prophet. It’s a mess for these monotheistic religions. They war on because each one is individually right in their minds. We are all human, and we all use GOD, we just use different words to express His name.

Palestine should be its own State. It had a right to exist as much as Israel. Jerusalem is a holy city as much as the Vatican. The Holy Mount is holy for Muslims and Jews and should be shared between the three, not dedicated to just one. Jews have excluded Christians and Muslims in stating Jerusalem is their exclusive seat of government. Tel Aviv was appropriate. Leave Jerusalem out of it. Settlements in the Palestinian territories in just wrong. Killing Palestinians, Men, Women and Children at the gates that shut them in is heinous. There will be no peace while they continue to do this. They want safety? What about those who are bombed because they are Muslim? The majority wasn’t always Muslim. They were mostly Christian, until the younger generations realized as Christians they were isolated and alone. I know this from first hand accounts and history from Lebanese, Jordanians, Syrians, Saudi’s, Iranian’s, even Iraqi’s.   I knew a woman who still had her Palestinian passport, title for her home and lands, proof of her life that the Jews, and Americans/British/French took to make Israel. The harrowing days when the soldiers came and told her family to get out because a Jewish family would get her property. She was Christian. Her husband dead, killed in the conflict, her children safe because asylum had  been secured by a dear friend. Asylum in the United States. What the US took away, she got a portion back. A safe home for her and her kids, not the groves of olive trees or the vast horizon. Safety drenched in sadness.

How many are still like her? Can’t feed their kids, can’t work, can’t feel safe, can;t expect a happy life for their children? We have done it again and “we” blame the Palestinians for being difficult. For wanting their own country again. A two-state solution. Israel and the United States have thrown that out with last weeks trash haul. Bebe and BLOTUS killed that notion with a silver bullet. Shame on them. Is it worth it boys? Opening an embassy in Jerusalem the prize? You disgust me.

That school shooting, again, in Texas…who is that different than the Palestinian’s who lost their lives by Israeli bullets? Israeli’s were pissed at the pressing crowds, a 17-year old was pissed at teachers and classmates because he had been bullied and misunderstood. Good guy with a gun will silence the bad gun with a gun? That nonsense again. One faction saw innocent people as wrong and deserved death. Got your guns? Shoot the problem. That solves everything to one faction on society.

And the last bit from this lying WPOTUS. You can’t slap huge Golden letters on the side of the White House, not call Mir-a-lago the Southern White House. You’re a Real Estate Developer, and have many failed projects and bankruptcies. You have used your name and notoriety to make it work in the past. The Art of the Deal (read it, meh) is a grand scheme, kinda like a Ponzi Scheme. You’re a grifter, a con-man, a mob boss. A scam. Your university shut down in ruin. Had to pay a pretty penny to avoid jail time, didn’t you. Russia is a witch hunt? How many indictments? How many have pleaded guilty? How many are cooperating before going to trail? Messy witch hunt, if you ask me. Putin’s puppet that’s what you are. That rubber/glue argument? Well, you’re very sticky glue and Hillary is rubber. You keep throwing stuff and it just mads on you. You are tar and feathering yourself you old peacock. Ratings are high because we love a train wreck.

Enough bitching for today. Let me end on a high note…..John McCain is an American Hero. He has served our country well in War and Peace and has held himself proudly. Thank you, Sir, for your service to our country and your constituency. I almost voted for you, and would have if you’d run against the prick in office. It was an almost in 2008. But Sarah? Nope. Couldn’t do it.  Part-Time Palin was a mistake. I still admire you, Sir. You’re human and we all make mistakes in judgement. My Dad proved that a lot.

One last thing, President Bone Spurs, you are a disgrace to those serving and every man and woman who has ever worn the uniform of any United States Military Service. John McCain served with honor, gave up his physicality for the US, served it’s people as a Senator. You don’t like prisoners of war? What else don’t you like? Desecrated ranks? Darkies serving our nation? You are a disgusting human. What else you got to diss Veteran’s? Shut the fuck up you piece of shit. You couldn’t shine McCain’s shoes  if you begged. “He’s going to die anyway”, is a flippant remark allowed in your White House? You are a loser President Bone Spurs, aka BLOTUS, aka WPOTUS ever. Impeachment wouldn’t be enough for what you have done or overseen.  Handcuffs and a one-way ticket to Alcatraz is what you deserve. Hell, if you want to re-establish Guantanamo, why not Alcatraz?  Your fat butt couldn’t swim the Bay anyway. You’d be a tasty meal for a few Great Whites. They like whales.

Adoption – the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I was adopted. A fact, but I was never told. Spoiler! I knew. My adopted mother, a malignant narcissist, was a lousy liar. I knew when I was 11, because she was so lousy. Who gets mad when a child asks where they came from? Yeah, she had a cesarean scar, but no pictures of her pregnant? No pictures of me at the hospital? Coming home? Dad was a closet photographer. He took pictures of everything. Polaroid was his best friend in the 60’s. He took pictures of everything! And he had a 35mm camera that Mom hated. They didn’t know the camera didn’t have film. Really? For a year? Seriously. How stupid did she think I was?

She was the one who didn’t read books. I read War & Peace when I was 13 because I felt like it. People was her speed. Or the National Enquirer. She was as dumb as plywood, and as much fun. OMG she was dense.

Dad was awesome. He always rooted for me, stood up for me, and taught me I was never less than a boy and shouldn’t ever be treated like I was. Not too bad for a man born in 1919. He got that from his Dad who was born in 1882. Different mindset, and he was a renaissance man. After two wars, the introduction of air planes, cars, electricity and phones, Grandpa had lived through a lot.  He told me, when I was very young, when you stopped learning, you stopped growing and started dying. He died at 96, he knew something. I am very fortunate to have had these two men as role models in my life, and they were excellent role models for me as I grew up. I still remember what they told me, and I have lived better than half a century and have experienced my own amazement’s contrived by humanity.  Got my own cool stuff Grandpa. And I showed Dad how to use a computer. Dad learned from me.

My childhood was perfect with Dad. I will never have a bad word for how he raised and educated me. Prepared me for adulthood. He had his flaws which I didn’t know until after he died. But ONE huge mistake he made was staying married to my “mother”. A malignant narcissist is a pain in the ass to have as a parent. Destruction much? She would just laugh at other’s misery. Dad bitched at her enough about that, but he was stuck with her. Leaving was not an option. She wouldn’t have been satisfied unless she destroyed him. She nearly did more than once. Maybe even why he died when her did. I know I hate her. That says too much.

Anyway…adoption. It is normally the wisest decision, especially for a young girl with few options. Say a 15 year old in the mid-60’s with a Scandinavian mom, because they will put an end to a “problem”, especially when it reflects badly on the “mature” mother. Negativity must be avoided at all costs. That’s the Scandahoovian way. To borrow a phrase I came to know well – Uff Da!  (or Dang! That’s cold, yo.)

Times are easier, abortions are an option, it’s not just slutty whores that get pregnant. ( Mom thought that for-e-var. Why being called a whore by her was poisonous.) My Bio-Mom didn’t have an abortion, they weren’t legal then. I’m kinda thankful for that.

The decision to give up a child must be gut-wrenching. I cannot begin to imagine. You will wonder if they had a good life. If you made the right decision. If they are ok. Endless questions and never expecting an answer. Well, the child thinks the same thing. Are they ok? Did she make the right decision? I didn’t turn out that bad, because I had a good adopted Dad who did the right thing by me.

And I’ve got friends older than her. That makes me giggle. Feisty females every one. Would I call her Mom? I don’t think so. It would be weird. I’m still to locked into my 20-year old mind. Ewww? Ick? Just no. She’s too young. Maybe when I’m 60? Nah, it would still be weird. I’m not planning on aging myself  ahead of time. She’ll be 75 when I’m 60. Nah. Still weird. I could pass for younger? Nope. Too much vanity a la adopted Mom. Yuck. No way!

Not being truthful hurts the child, even when she’s an adult. Blaming that child for perceived “mistakes” her biological mother made is just evil. Hanging that over the child’s head is sick. The biological mother did nothing wrong. The child did nothing wrong. It’s a circle of love and the realization of that love that is the blessing.

A child should always know the truth, because adoption is the act of choosing a child to love and nurture. Saying that child is physically yours makes the truth that much harder to accept and handle, like medical issues. Say the child’s vision isn’t great when they are 12. Just because no one in your half (Mom) of the family doesn’t wear glasses, doesn’t work in reality. Or when that child is in her 30’s and is diagnosed with Diabetes. Because no one in Mom’s family has it would mean nothing anyway. It’s just cruel and saying it’s all my fault, or the doctor’s are lying. Not speaking the truth is a twisted mind trip. I’ve lived with that since I was 8. When I figured out “Mom” wasn’t that smart and lied when it was convenient for her.  Truth is the best choice. You don’t need to dance around it. Not everyone can do a jig. Especially with a hip replacement and scoliosis.

Guilt is a prison we construct for ourselves. I’ve had a lifetime’s worth and I’m not done living. More to regret for the rest of my days. I’m trying to find things to beat back that regret. Right wrongs I had nothing to do with. Spread the cause of hope. All of us are born with hope and dreams. No one should diminish that. Especially one who claims to be a parent but doesn’t act like one.