It’s Getting Too Hard To Live

It will be the 2 month Anniversary in 3 days of my sudden and incomprehensible homeless status. That in itself is depressing.

Thanks Myrna. That wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t such guilt-filled tool to your spoiled and ungrateful adopted teenage daughter. As my generation says – Fuck that noise. But I lecture, and she knows everything. I’ll refrain from saying something truly offensive since you still have my property under tarps in your backyard on earth which is probably muddy and a quagmire.

That’s one issue I have to deal/live with.

There is a housing crisis, and women witg children in dire situations have priority. Or assicts seeking recovery. Or newly released felons that want a path back to a normal life. Everyone else, get on line. The cities don’t fully comprehend how severe the homeless situation is.

Later this month, an organization called CityServe out of Pleasanton is recruiting homeless individual’s to help their employees find and meet homeless people they might not have had contact with yet. To get a number.

The homeless will hide, stay away, because they know nothing will happen, nothing will change, they can more money from the state but the homeless wil still have to scrap and fight to stay alive.

Lee, a very fastidious and generous homeless man, who washes his clothes and stays feed, yet gives food, clothes and blankets to other homeless, was attacked and sustained a severe facial injury which destroyed his eye glasses over what the prep thought he might have – $40. It was caught on tape at the Safeway and that prep is now cooling his heels at Santa Rita Jail.

Lee is almost 70 and bothers no one. And he was targeted because it was assumed he had money and couldn’t defend himself.

And the weak don’t survive on the streets.

Livermore has a Volunteer Group that runs the “Warming Center”. Good people and a faith based project involving church’s and parishioner volunteers. It has a good foundation, but it is temperature driven, and Weather Underground is the site they use.

For instance, it will be 48F tomorrow morning – no rain, but a wind advisory (35 mph). 100% chance of rain today – before midnight. The Center is closed tonight and based on the projected temperature will be closed tomorrow.

I haven’t been staying there anyway. Too volatile and mentally toxic for me. And a potential TIA threat.

Just before Christmas, there was an incident with a young man who couldnt keep his mouth shut. As a courtesy, my friend Will told him he couldn’t secure his bike to the railing for the steps that led to the Church chapel. The church is over 100 years with old with narrow steps. I have difficulty negotiating those steps in daylight holding the a rail. He was taking one out of commission.

He was offended and defensive and threatens Will. He knew his car and his dog. Steven, that punks name, has gang ties and knows others. He even knew someone that night and asked if that man still wanted to kick Will’s ass. That Stephen had an issue over Will’s friendship with his “woman”. Will’s gay. What’s your issue? That “woman” Stephen loves so much, that he referred to as a “whore” (a HOT button for me, Thanks Gunn) was mad at Stephen, so he wants to take his frustrations out on Will, and Little Steven (both have been referred to as “Lurch” by Will and I – for looming tendencies they display – the latter is Little Lurch) knew this and figured he had an in for destruction. He even told Will daddy was a Golden Glove. So? Daddy you don’t live with is going to pound a grown man of a similar age because he shared to you that thing was inappropriate and not acceptable?

Sure, why not? If he’s as mentally unstable, of course he would defend his offspring. Ugh.

Others tried to defuse the situation, but Baby Lurch (oops, my bad) wouldn’t listen to reason. Even one guy who just eats there said “come on, she has a point. Did you mean that old gay guy? Ignore him.” Another hot button. But BL wouldn’t drop it since everyone saw and heard he was in the wrong.

I even said, I’ve had a stroke and this was very upsetting and dangerous for me and could he please stop. He didn’t. And it kept going until my blood pressure dropped, I started spiralling because of the coginitive brain injury and chemical imbalance in mh brain that is still unmedicated until 1/10/2019, I was rendered speechless, was dizzy and my whole body was shaking, until I was finally able to scream “Go to Hell you sick fuck! I won’t let you kill me. I’m sorry Lord for those words in your house, but I have never wanted to see someone burn in hell like him!”

Everyone saw how bad I was. I made my way out to the car where Will was and asked him if he could take me to the hospital. Donna asked if her husband Bob could take me, but I declined. I needed my new bestie.

We went to Valleycare/Stanford Medical, and they kept me overnight due to it being my 2nd visit that week and third in a month. They wanted me to be evaluated by a neurologist to insure I hadn’t had another TIA. I didn’t, but I’m in a high risk category.

And I haven’t been back to the Warming Center since, because Baby Lurch is still welcome there. I have run into him at other homeless services and had to leave because of his mother mouth and I was so upset. Will and I cried in the parking lot after that incident.

I avoid Baby Lurch at all costs. I can’t deal with that. It will kill me, as if being homeless isn’t going to anyway.

The other incident with another homeless woman sent me spiraling when she accused me of lying about her. I wasn’t even awake or in the room where she was when it happened.

There is too much drama in the homeless community and the Warming Center is volatile and toxic. Not just my opinion. Several people, including a sweet older gentleman who had a minor heart attack a few days after he was banned from the Center for having empty 1/5ths of vodka in his bag.

As if alcoholism doesn’t exist in the homeless community. Ban it and they won’t be alcoholics anymore? Give me a fucking break.

I’m tired of this and loosing it and Will doesn’t know how to cheer me up or make me smile.

Well, for one thing, I’m broke.

General Assistance os screwed up because I didn’t send in an income form for 3Q. I have submitted it now, but my worker isn’t back until tomorrow. And I have no Food Stamps either. Will gave me his GA. He has nothing but trusts me with his money.

My car tags are expired. I have no money for that or the bogus ticket I got in 2017 for supposedly “running” a red light. Couldn’t explain then because words were still hard, can’t explain know because I get so easily upset and wail.

My cell bill is due. My other storage unit is due. My stuff is still at Myrna’s, like my chairs I’ve had for 30 years that were my brother-in-laws, crystal that my parents received throughout the years, my Keurig, my Kitchen Aid Pro Mixer, a lot of good stuff that I was supposed to give away? I did that when I closed down Mom’s house. Fucking jerks.

I’m pissed. Can you tell? I have coginitive dissonance? That isn’t the same as a cognitive brain injury witchy-poo. Read a book other than fantasy or romance. Or ask your husband since he’s got tons of books. Study the brain and get to know about it, and not pop-psychology. The Reader’s Digest version isn’t quite enough.

Anyhoo, back to me. I’ve been told I’m condescending and have no self awareness. From my friend and practical brother since we were 13. He threw me out of his life a few years ago (via phone and endlessly yelling ‘Fuck you Wendy” – I don’t know what I did) and I’ve been trying to reconnect. Stubborn ass just shut me down. Sent me spiraling again. He doesn’t care.

I doubt he ever did after age 40.

It’s been a lousy few months and I’m fading.

I don’t want to, but the body can only handle so much.

My SSI hearing is in March 20, 2019, but I have just found out that my friend’s sister was granted SSI, after several years, and she still hasn’t received a check. Trump has the government shut down, so will that impact government business to that degree OVER A BORDER WALL TO KEEP OUT MEXICANS?

He makes me sick. Fucking traitor. Putin’s Puppet. Rich toad.

I need to bring awareness to mu campaign. I need to raise that money TO SURVIVE AND LIVE. I can’t trust the government. I can’t trust homeless services. I can trust a small group of people that are keeping me alive.

Share this. Direct people here. I will write amd update as I can, but if I don’t pay my cell soon, it’ll be turned off. And this site is up for renewal also.

I can’t do this and I can’t get anyone to share this in newspapers (I tried – too much to write about – if it’s all true), TV (too much for a segment), on and on. I barely get a share on Facebook for my campaign (thank you Mark and Claudia – you’ve been my team, the other’s haven’t participated).

http://www.gofundme.com/life4v

Thank you. I will endeavor to bring more stories and hopefully some sunshine on a cloudy day.

Author: Vykinghart

A divergent catalyst trying to make the world a better place while screaming from a tiny soapbox.

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