Discrimination in the Homeless Community

What? Since when? Ummm – for-ev-er!

And why not? There is discrimination in every community, especially from those that say “I don’t have a racist bone in my body! I have a good friend who’s _________”. If you have to point to one friend to prove it, you’ve got issues beyond race. Showing it without having to prove it is the key.

For instance – I had a dear friend Dianne. We worked together for years and she found me a place to stay last year for a bit. We’ve had our issues, but we overcame most. I failed to realize her feelings on a particular subject, which I wasn’t able to process at the time. That TBI is a bitch to work with too often. Especially when I was usually the first to clue in on subtle issues that most people failed to even try to understand. I was Lucy from Peanuts or the “Horse Whisperer” for Adults with “issues”. No nickels needed, but I did put out a plate for donations for my Jelly Belly dispenser (as a joke). Again, too subtle for most, but the Jelly Belly dispenser was much loved, even though Loan Officers would complain about having to pay a penny. SMDH. Do you think they were free at Costco or the Company reimbursed me? No. I did you big babies, I had to sit and listen to your whining every damn day when your deals went South or the Client went with someone else, or God forbid the Lender said No, even though I told you it was a long shot with that Lender but don’t listen to me! What do I know as the Operations Manager who secured all those bank approvals? Hmmph.

Some shit just won’t go away. Just like memories of 18-hour days over and over and it still wasn’t enough to make a certain blowhard quiet and not throw me under the Bus with KPMG. That Company had no issue with my work or my process. They loved the fact I was thorough and documented so much just for the annual audits and then they asked a question it took minutes to provide an example or an explanation. Not Mr. Blow-Hard who was on loan from the Parent Company and could not get a damn thing done without a “process”. Like how do you explain the entirety of a computer program’s accounting process with just T-charts on a whiteboard?  For those not familiar with a T-Chart, like this:

2020-02-23 15.31.49

Excuse the hugeness and bad writing. I just had to do it on a piece of paper, take a picture and load it to show what an asshat John was. I had to EXPLAIN an accounting process handled by computer software (Epicor Vantage ERP) in these T-Charts for every function within the entire Program to prove to him IT was working as it was programmed to!!!

AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHH! WHAT AN OBSTINATE LIMP NOODLE!!!!!

But I digress as usual. John just pissed me off that bad, and unfortunately, the “project” ended up being $40M over budget. Yes, $40,000,000.00 Over Budget. I had to be wrong – but I reconciled every purchase order from the beginning with all of its documentation in a consolidated folder, and there we some 600 purchase orders and they were tracked on an Excel Spreadsheet. Yes, Excel. Not Microsoft Project or even in the ERP system as a project. They started out with Quickbooks and Converted to Epicor and it didn’t convert everything! Geez, we were still explaining THAT 5 years later and John couldn’t because as a CPA historically talking with Auditors – no one knew a damn thing about how a program actually functions! Computers do updates and there are no issues, right? Says no one who ever had a computer crash after an update. And the majority of the people actually involved weren’t there anymore!

Why the term “cluster-fuck” still exists for situations like this.

I managed to work through ALL OF IT and documented every expenditure that they wrote a check for from each system. Yes, we still had access to Quickbooks on one Computer, thank God. Honey, I killed trees printing reports and proof of my findings and even doing Jonh’s damn T-Charts to indicate the Debits and Credits.

I idiot proofed it. Or so I thought.

When KPMG wanted to know why my Project Report showed $40M more spent then they had – they had made adjustments in prior years since they didn’t know the extent of the computer transfer issue – John said it was MY mistake and that I didn’t have an accounting degree from any respected University and either did the other “girls”.

Who did the monthly interest adjustments on the loans and had to “teach” the accounting department of our US owner how to do standard loan interest accruals – which John felt it necessary to speak with KPMG to see if I was correct? KPMG reminded John I was an Operations Manager at a large Mortgage Loan Brokerage and “if I didn’t know how to do accruals, I wouldn’t have a reputation that preceded me.” Why they doubted John’s excuse why “we” were $40M out of balance all of a sudden.

And he thought I was taking too long with closing up the Project Report and adding everything to hard inventory for tax purposes, depreciation and actual Company worth! Yeah, just me and that was a supposed small part of my responsibilities. That bastard wanted me to do monthly inventory in the Yard of our produced product, which just happened to be Steel Pipe for infrastructure products and eventually the Oil Industry.

The Company closed a couple of years ago. The “Parents” decided it was a huge loss with a series of incompetent morons.  Clue for the future – when you have domestic and international ownership and a severe intolerance for each other’s habits/ways/thinking it just ain’t gonna work, regardless of how many homeboys you send to “fix it”. If they can’t speak the other’s language, you’re going to have an issue.

  • Example:
    • Group A is so lazy!
    • Group B is so anal! And they say shit about us!

I am using this as an example of how processes can break down with opposite intent. Yes, Group A did make a comment about Group B’s laziness, but Group A didn’t realize how offensive that was to the men in the factory who didn’t take the amount of pride and need for acknowledgment that a job is done nearly perfect for a supervisor’s approval. It’s done to spec. It’s over. Move on to the next one.

Welding in these huge pipes was an issue. And they weren’t passing after the first “repair”. That cost us time, a customer’s calendar, our bottom line. Pish posh. Not the Mill’s problem.

And that’s what Group A was bitching about. I really couldn’t blame them. Why I hate the direction Union’s are going. It was different when I worked for Bernie and Fred. We were part of GCIU, we weren’t the Teamsters. They are now. Bernie would have agreed with Group A, even with his Jewishness at the onset. He would have respected their opinion and probably agreed! Bernie was never racist. He showed it in his actions every day. That’s who I learned from. You can talk the talk, but can you actually walk the WALK.

To bring this back to the point, Jesus never said: “except for”. He knew Judas would betray him, but did he walk away and said: “except for you Judas, you betrayer”. No. That wasn’t the way he spoke or handed down the Word. And that should be respected on the Lord’s Hallowed Ground.

The homeless community sees a lot of infighting. Often over something stupid, such as a belief that a backpack is yours just because of common initials in permanent ink. You want to throw down over a backpack? Strip off your jacket and shirt so your opponent won’t be able to grab something? You can’t discuss this like adults? Or you get into a shouting match with a meth-head that is accusing you of stealing his jeans and a blanket, even though you have your own jeans and a blanket. Oh, and he threatens your car and your dog while he is at it. In the Lord’s House. And he creeps on you and tells anyone who listens your a thief and you steal stuff all the time. He’s been told you are disabled. So? Everyone has a disability.

Everyone has a disability.

That is irrational. No one says that. The homeless community does. Will accused me of faking it and having emptional breakdowns intentionally.  He knows differently know. I dragged him with me to UCSF. He heard what the Neurovascular Doctors had to say. And he has had to witness and be my defender when my brain goes into chaos.

I have Will who understands and defends me. Now. What about the others?

They are on their own. Attacked for being weak and being alive and being homeless and that person could get something extra they don’t deserve, supposedly. Even if that person has REAL issues, not the paranoia that comes from Meth use or other chronic addiction.

That is the problem – those with addiction or have psychiatric issues or both. That one is fun! Not. That’s like being in a knife fight with a butter knife and your opponent has a samurai sword. Your “loss” is inevitable.

I just can’t stand listening to the justification of “their” opinion or their taunting someone with a disability. It’s assumed you’re a meth user if you’re homeless. If you’re a woman, you have prostituted yourself for shelter. Or food. Or a bath. You’re marked as a “whore”, a word on my personal Do Not Ever Use list. Gunn/Mom used that too frequently and liberally to explain away my “tardiness” for coming home from school. And my cigarette smoking. But for a youngish woman to call a disabled senior woman I know a “whore” to continue an argument in a restroom more than half an hour since they separated, was purely evil and ridiculous. And the one that wants to keep the argument going is saying she’s “proud” of whoring around.  WTAF?

Will likes her. She does meth regularly and she did it in front of me, and I am never around people who “use”. I don’t like being around it. Will knows that. He’s a grown man. I can’t say NO if he doesn’t mind and it’s not like it was my home. That won’t happen there. Ever. I just don’t like her because she shares her “topic” of discussion such as dick size which isn’t interesting to me, or who she’s done in the past. I have never liked that type of talk and my friends didn’t participate in such topics as a group.

Will doesn’t believe me. Too damn bad, fluffer.

Living a life of principle isn’t easy very often. Just like walking in God’s Grace isn’t a pleasant and quick jaunt. It’s all the time, but I do slip or my brain is too tired to deal with someone’s bullshit. I can’t deal with it like I used to, but I’m not the same person. And none of these people know WHO I was before. No one. Everyone who knew me (almost everyone) before isn’t in my daily sphere.

I think it’s time to wrap this up. Simply said, don’t isolate someone that is different in your opinion. Or comment about them to lift yourself above them. It’s mean and cruel and it doesn’t put them in the limelight of fault – that’s you basking in that bit of sunshine. I don’t regret what I have said about certain people today. I’ve done to their face on numerous occasions. I had the words and the ability to speak my mind once. I still can with time and clear thought processes.  I will again someday.

By the way, Dianne was a fabulous Project Manager that I came to emulate later in life. She also happened to be of Chinese descent and was lesbian. The latter two didn’t ever matter to me. She was my awesome mentor and a good friend.  I was proud to have her work ethic. That did matter.

Watch out, haters! Venka will be back once more.

No Charity for YOU, Loser

I want to write about so many things, but am always distracted by the NOW, which usually involves our diminishing funds and all the things that need to be done. And the constant worry how Trump will take more away before we vote him out, since impeachment went nowhere.

I am looking at you, Moscow Mitch. The Russians have already started “interfering” their way, and securing what election “help” they can give Porky. I mean Putin’s Puppet. Watching Democracy die is not something I expected in my lifetime. Then again, I never expected that narcissistic bitch to be President. I never expected a white supremacist to become the leader of this Country.

Wish to God I’d stayed in Norway, because any time we vote in a Republican President, that party doesn’t care about the deficits THEY CAUSE.  And taxes, such as FICA or Medicare becomes “entitlements” all of a sudden. How is a tax a future benefit? If the government uses it as the local piggy bank for their big tax cuts to the rich, sure, whatever you say.

I was getting $25 a month in food stamps. I now get $16. Nothing has changed. Except Trump has cut back food aid, especially to the kids in school. The changes he has proposed (and broken some campaign promises) can be found at Trumps cuts.  It is part of Trump’s and the Republicans, War on Poverty.

I can feel it’s impact now. A Housing Voucher seems even less likely in the future with Trump’s plans for my “ilk”. News flash Pudgy, we are citizens too, and part of the voting public. But being in California, we have a huge site on our State, and the Speaker of the House is on his least favorite list, along with what he believes rhymes with Shit. You’re still Glue, Donny.

Changes to SSI would affect Will. He is still waiting in his hearing. He has chronic back issues that will hopefully be solved with spinal surgery, but who knows? He is getting worse as each day goes by, and being a recovering alcoholic doesn’t help. How do you recover when you’re in pain 24/7/365? Sleeping in a car? And your family is who made you homeless?

I had a stroke. I have a traumatic brain injury now. I have PTSD from a lifetime of abuse from my adopted mother (not my opinion, a psychiatrist (2 actually), a psychologist (3 actually) and a medical doctor (a good woman AND a mother herself) over 15 years of receiving therapy – but HER family denies it and accuses me of abusing HER.  Had to be here to see it – ANY of it. And they did, they just ignored it and explained it away.

I lived with a narcissist. Do you think I would want my President to be one? Hell NO.

But this is about needing charity.  And why I am asking and have received little or sporadically or none.

I don’t envy you a vacation. You deserve one.

You have kids and they are your priority. I get that. Wish I had your problem. I really do.

You have your list of priorities. I get that too. I have one of those lists. I doubt they are similar, except for something with the car, or the dog needs shots, or Costco has this awesome deal on a new chair for the family room and we need that!

My list has a home for us.  A new place to store and enjoy my stuff.  A wish. Not something I can pick up at Costco.

My car has a endless LIST of things that need to be fixed/repaired/solved. I have no money for any of the things on that list.

Andy is on that list, and his Vet bill from late last month. And to have him on a regular schedule with decent food that he will eat. Picky little pooch. Grr.

Enough extra money this month so that we can sleep in a motel for a few days and I can get a haircut when part of my scalp is shaved and the tumors are removed and I will have stitches.  And I pray they are not cancerous. I will just give up and die then. It’s been too much for too long.

Not to speak of the eye surgery I need as the vision is almost gone in my left eye due to the Retinopathy. Problem with Insurance in the County and I had to postpone. Again.

Will has not had to have cancer treatment for his prostate cancer, but the doctor is still trying to isolate it and provide the best treatment options, as she is not recommending surgery.

So much to worry over and so few hours to do it with a laptop.

http://www.gofundme.com/f/wag-willandygrace

 

Our Baby Is Sick

I haven’t talked about him, like I’ve intended to. Last year, I was rescued by the boys in my life – Will and Andy.

Will is my BFF and Andy is his service dog and his fur baby.

Man, that boys’ wardrobe was impressive and I love dressing up the little Canine Hover. He is just too cute!

But he scared us to death this week when he stopped eating and drinking and pooping!

I’ll elaborate in a future post as I’m texting on my phone and it just bites not having my laptop. Be back soon with the deets.

I started a GoFundMe for the Vet bill and the work that our car needs, our home. Please help if you can. We would really appreciate it and we will pay it forward when we can AND WILL!!!

https://www.gofundme.com/wag-willandygrace