This is just the perspective of the new normal in the San Francisco Bay Area of Livermore. And a 13lbs little dog who is our comfort and often our joy and distraction.
We are homeless and have been living in the car my Dad bought back in 1999. Never meant for this, but it has been home for us for more than a year. Humans and canine. It has often been too much for me, due to my health and what I am dealing with, but Will has been my rock and my anchor throughout. And living not in a home for 3 1/2 years longer due to a horrible, cheap, narcissistic younger brother who would have preferred him dead along with their mother would have been perfect.
Neither of us have ever anticipated a Global Pandemic with nearly zero Community support. Who could have anticipated a Global Pandemic? Governors Cuomo and Newsom have been proactive. Our President, reactive. And they still are.
Will can speak in his full voice. I can speak with my “full voice” when I type and rarely otherwise. My handicap that no one sees or can appreciate. Afterall, I look fine! And am treated the same, often my “issues” are summarily dismissed by older people because I don’t have it as bad as them. How about it’s not a competition? How about just I’m sorry you aren’t doing well? How about what can I help you with? Not a plethora of excuses for why you need me to correct my immediate behavior because your 3 year old granddaughter shouldn’t be exposed to Covid 19 in a hotel laundry room at 8:00 PM while I’m trying to dry my laundry while you’ve been creeping around for 3+ hours doing load after load while I’m trying to get two done while little miss keeps running about nearly causing me to fall twice.
But do I say anything? No. Not until she confronts me about the two dryers I’m using out of 7. Why is it my responsibility for her being unable to dry her never ending supply? My clothes aren’t even dry, but I should take my clothes while still wet because she’s inconvenienced? Because her granddaughter shouldn’t be exposed to Covid19? How about keeping her in the room granny? Keep her safe!
I broke down and started crying because I couldn’t take her anymore after days of being expected to accept – without question – anyone more susceptible than me. Someone who has visual issues. Someone who never stops complaining how susceptible she is to every germ and fragment of dust. Someone who doesn’t have a car to shelter in place in – but that has no bathroom, no microwave, no sink, because it isn’t considered a safe place to live! A woman from CityServe, a local agency made comments to the effect weren’t we blessed to have a car and they couldn’t take us and make the choice between us and one other woman who needs a retirement center or convalescent facility. Us or Mary. Are we heartless? No. How about some of the creek tweakers who slept outside and were fine until you all gave them a room, tv, and a delivered meal everyday? They were fine with the virus until you put us together
That sounds bitchy. Sorry. I’ve been through too much in the last few weeks. Besides dealing with an out of control alcoholic who protests he’s not an alcoholic too much, especially when he’s just purchased 3 liters of cheap vodka at Safeway and claims he’s fine, I’m the one with issues. Like what? My TBI that makes me incapable of handing such trivial little issues like your drunk driving while I have 50% of my bad vision with very old glasses? Like those little issues? I am sorry I am such a drain on you. Excuse me for trying to love while you are hell bent on dying honey.
Not a walk through a sunny field on a beautiful summer day. That bright sunshine is too bright for you cave dweller. It’s just enough light for me to see. You sleep while I drink another Lagunitas IPA. I need to sleep tonight too, but not at 7 pm.
It’s been rough. And Will knows I love him and he doesn’t like he’s back to drinking so much but his back is giving him lots of pain and issues and the meds aren’t working at all. Depression plays a huge role.
Your financial situation isn’t helping either. I have a message in to Chase because I have 12 $34 INF fees and a $450 credit coming back to my account for Larkspur Landing Inn for booking more nights than needed because CityServe threw us out, and threatened the police. Will says to be nice since I still need tires and a new battery, but I say Fuck Them they put our lives in danger and didn’t give a fuck about us. They caused me to be taken to ER for a possible stroke episode as I am high risk and I felt bad taking up their time and not being Covid19 positive. Yeah, they checked but by a process of elimination, not an actual Covid19 test. We don’t have that many, after all.
I’m looking at you dRump. Don’t get me started how thoroughly unpresidential he’s been.
This is the worst world encompassing danger we as a human race has seen since Polio, WWII, the Spanish Flu or the last plague. Certainly most mishandled. Have Mardi Gras! Open for Easter! Ignore every other nation! Call it the Kung Flu! Blame anyone and everyone else, except the man at the helmet of the leader of the free world since it is not his fault. He said so! It’s Obama, the World Health Organization, that guy who just raised his hand! Not him, it is never him. Comparing his ratings and the polls, and we have people dying due to lack of ventilators and PPE at major hospitals in New York City – his home town. And governor’s better be nice or he won’t help them! How about he won’t help them anyway if they’re not rethuglican? He halts the USNS Comfort for a photo OP and delays it by almost a day and then when it gets to NYHarbor, it doesn’t accept patients and has less than 10 patients over the next 24 hours because it isn’t accepting Covid19 positive patients. Or a naval commander losing his post when he voiced concern for his ship crew when several on board showed signs of having it?
Did the world go crazy and spiral into TP and sanitizer hoarders, or was that just Americans? The lines outside Costco to local liquor stores for those in search of either or BOTH have been stupid long. Did a store have masks for infant’s? No, and why would you bring your infant to said store and ask, petri dish Mom? I swear to God but when did we get so idiotic? Toilet paper, sanitizer and masks for babies? Argh!!!!
But, I wouldn’t be posting to just give a snapshot into my little slice of hell. My cousin donated from Norway, my dear friend Suzy who certainly is in no shape to donate but did, and thanks to those fine ladies we had enough for a few nights of shelter when CityServe made their choice to leave us out in the cold. No one from the public offered a penny on my Facebook Fundraiser. So here I am with that in hand again. My account is in the negative and it’s just the 10th of the month and it’s Easter. I owe storage fees and my cell bill and there’s the rest of the month with bald tires and a very low battery that had to be jumped this week to get to our current lodging supplied by Abode Home Navigation. More on them later, but they have been very helpful in bringing us closer to being housed, until our Navigator left. Her replacement starts this Monday. I am hopeful, that’s all I’m willing to say. Hopeful for what, who knows, but something. I have sidestepped death too much this last year and longer. That should have never happened. You realize who is friend, acquitance or bystander when you’re life is turned upside down and inside out.
I truly wish I never had the opportunity to know that. Decades of knowing and caring for people and I meant nothing to them in their lives. Not worth any inconvenience certainly.