No Charity for YOU, Loser

I want to write about so many things, but am always distracted by the NOW, which usually involves our diminishing funds and all the things that need to be done. And the constant worry how Trump will take more away before we vote him out, since impeachment went nowhere.

I am looking at you, Moscow Mitch. The Russians have already started “interfering” their way, and securing what election “help” they can give Porky. I mean Putin’s Puppet. Watching Democracy die is not something I expected in my lifetime. Then again, I never expected that narcissistic bitch to be President. I never expected a white supremacist to become the leader of this Country.

Wish to God I’d stayed in Norway, because any time we vote in a Republican President, that party doesn’t care about the deficits THEY CAUSE.  And taxes, such as FICA or Medicare becomes “entitlements” all of a sudden. How is a tax a future benefit? If the government uses it as the local piggy bank for their big tax cuts to the rich, sure, whatever you say.

I was getting $25 a month in food stamps. I now get $16. Nothing has changed. Except Trump has cut back food aid, especially to the kids in school. The changes he has proposed (and broken some campaign promises) can be found at Trumps cuts.  It is part of Trump’s and the Republicans, War on Poverty.

I can feel it’s impact now. A Housing Voucher seems even less likely in the future with Trump’s plans for my “ilk”. News flash Pudgy, we are citizens too, and part of the voting public. But being in California, we have a huge site on our State, and the Speaker of the House is on his least favorite list, along with what he believes rhymes with Shit. You’re still Glue, Donny.

Changes to SSI would affect Will. He is still waiting in his hearing. He has chronic back issues that will hopefully be solved with spinal surgery, but who knows? He is getting worse as each day goes by, and being a recovering alcoholic doesn’t help. How do you recover when you’re in pain 24/7/365? Sleeping in a car? And your family is who made you homeless?

I had a stroke. I have a traumatic brain injury now. I have PTSD from a lifetime of abuse from my adopted mother (not my opinion, a psychiatrist (2 actually), a psychologist (3 actually) and a medical doctor (a good woman AND a mother herself) over 15 years of receiving therapy – but HER family denies it and accuses me of abusing HER.  Had to be here to see it – ANY of it. And they did, they just ignored it and explained it away.

I lived with a narcissist. Do you think I would want my President to be one? Hell NO.

But this is about needing charity.  And why I am asking and have received little or sporadically or none.

I don’t envy you a vacation. You deserve one.

You have kids and they are your priority. I get that. Wish I had your problem. I really do.

You have your list of priorities. I get that too. I have one of those lists. I doubt they are similar, except for something with the car, or the dog needs shots, or Costco has this awesome deal on a new chair for the family room and we need that!

My list has a home for us.  A new place to store and enjoy my stuff.  A wish. Not something I can pick up at Costco.

My car has a endless LIST of things that need to be fixed/repaired/solved. I have no money for any of the things on that list.

Andy is on that list, and his Vet bill from late last month. And to have him on a regular schedule with decent food that he will eat. Picky little pooch. Grr.

Enough extra money this month so that we can sleep in a motel for a few days and I can get a haircut when part of my scalp is shaved and the tumors are removed and I will have stitches.  And I pray they are not cancerous. I will just give up and die then. It’s been too much for too long.

Not to speak of the eye surgery I need as the vision is almost gone in my left eye due to the Retinopathy. Problem with Insurance in the County and I had to postpone. Again.

Will has not had to have cancer treatment for his prostate cancer, but the doctor is still trying to isolate it and provide the best treatment options, as she is not recommending surgery.

So much to worry over and so few hours to do it with a laptop.

http://www.gofundme.com/f/wag-willandygrace

 

Homeless Crap in Livermore

I’m thoroughly frustrated with the City of Livermore. Here’s why.

And, by the way, I’m on hold with the DMV about my registration. Wee fun. Not. Supposedly a 34-minute wait. We’ll see.

It’s 4:39 pm.

Livermore Parking Program

A wonderful idea, but poorly planned and mostly at Church Parking Lots. They are paying for Security Guards (we LOVE them) who deal with the jerks trying to scare us off because NOT IN MY BACKYARD/NIBYs. Those turds assume we will bring drugs, trash and be animals and they don’t want us. News flash – Will, Andy and I were the only ones who were participating in the first few weeks in this new program, and what are we gonna do? Sleep. Stay in the car. Wow-what a disappointment! Poor bullies.

The participating churches – 5 – are spread throughout Livermore and we spend a lot of gas getting from place to place and camping at Starbucks until they are in place at 7:30 pm.

The other “facility” is the unused old City Council Chambers where the guards have to unlock the building and “escort” us to the restroom. The other five locations have a Blue Room for us to use. I’d rather do that! Besides, that parking lot is well lite and next to the Police Station. I don’t need to be awakened at 3 am when the sirens pop on and their scrambling.  It just sucks and that’s Friday and Sunday night. We boondock at Walmart,  Safeway, or Target. We don’t park in front of someone’s house. How rude!

Why can’t they do one church the 1st week of the month, another the 2nd week, a 3rd the 3rd week, and so on. Have a church for the 5th or overlap week. Easy pease. m no. Let us drive hither and yon and waste gas. Geez.

DMV answered at 5:02. Not bad! A native speaker and very helpful. And he sounds cute.

Livermore Homeless Refuge

This is where I meet Will and came under the tutelage and loving grace of Donna McKenzie.

She is responsible for me meeting Sheryl and Dave, Mattie and Leslie, Isaac, Alan, Alison, Lee and so many others. She has given me hope, she has fed me, looked out for me, and made sure I had a home to sleep in last year when the Refuge Center was closed. Even a place for me to shower safely. Donna has done so much to ease this terror for me. But welcomed and soothed me when I became homeless and helped me by giving me what I needed to survive in this alternate reality. But meeting Will was the life-saving difference.

Without him, I wouldn’t be alive. And that’s the truth.

Her husband, companion, and partner of 48 years died 2 weeks ago.  Years ago, they sold their home here in Livermore (BIG house) and they started the Homeless Refuge for the homeless during the winter BECAUSE THE CITY DOES NOTHING!!!

The City has done close to nothing and the biggest hurdle Donna has had to deal with FOR YEARS! From her mouth to God’s ears and through my fingers. I am sick of how the City deals with the Homeless Community with “allowing” the Churches to “deal” with us as their Christain responsibility.

Old Council Chambers or any Large Empty Space

This is where Donna has had the issue, as there is no dedicated space for the homeless for things such as:

  • A year-round place to sleep when it is cold, wet or too hot (cooling center)
  • A place to get coffee or tea, have a microwave to make a Cup-o-Soup
  • A place to receive information or updates
  • A place for meetings or to pick up mail
  • A place to have a “clothes closet” to receive shoes, underwear, shirts, pants, blankets, sleeping  bags, backpacks, duffel bags – you know, stuff they need as opposed to one church for mail, several for clothes, Donna for a sleeping bags, blankets or a have her microwave something
  • Lockers to store stuff for a day or two or just overnight
  • SHOWERS!
  • A place – other than McDonald’s or the Library (or Starbucks) to read a book, play a hand of cards, play chess, not watch TV other than the news
  • Have newspapers available
  • Have a bulletin board to post notices or news bits that impact the Homeless Community

There are drawbacks that the City Council will have. Loitering Homeless around whatever site is selected. If they convert the Old Council Chambers NEXT TO THE POLICE STATION will diminish the loitering because if there are Homeless who have run-ins with the Police, they won’t want to be there. Duh!

Fremont has done it for the most part at offering the Senior Center as a place to be for Winter Shelter EVERY NIGHT RAIN OR SHINE. They have posted rules and Security folks who are PAID watchers at night.

What does Livermore have? Because of Donna, they have the Refuge and this is who at happens:

  • The Refuge is Open during Winter IF it will be below 45F or there is a 25% of rain, or both
  • There are 3 churches that rotate shelter every week. They post on Facebook if the Refuge will be open that night. Better have a cell phone or know someone who does
  • The Refuge is at the same Church every weekend – Saturday and Sunday
  • Food is donated for Donna to serve “us”. People who stay the night or just get a hot dinner.
  • The most popular dinner that is brought is Lasagna. Donna received 5 trays one-weekend last year. Lasagna. 5 in two days. Think Costco had a special? Sheesh.
  • How about something healthy? Not carb bombs for us Diabetics?
  • The “Watchers” from 8 to Midnight and Midnight to 7 am are ALL volunteers. Last year they had to offer $15 an hour to work from Midnight to 7am. When they don’t have Watchers for shifts this season, they are closed.
  • Donna has organized and donated her time EVERY DAY  from 5 to 8 pm supplying food, providing sleeping bags, making sure the space is clean or is bitched at over lint on the floor that will impact the “children” and deal with the meth heads and tweakers who light up in the Children’s Chapel because IT’S DONNA’S FAULT BECAUSE SHE WAN’T PERSONALLY THERE TO THROW THEM OUT. She gets bitched at when there are cigarette butt’s on the public sidewalk in front of the Church.

There are too many issues that I have an issue with that the City has FAILED to support its residents. The fault of the Tri-Valley area, Livermore/Pleasanton/Castro Valley/San Ramon. None of the cities are taking the proper action with housing, Castro Valley and Pleasanton are trying a few things, which I applaud. Pleasanton has tried to increase its Section 8 and Low Income Housing. So has San Ramon. Livermore City Council complains there are not enough grants, not enough Section 8 grants, not enough time, not enough man-hours, not enough help from the County/State/Feds-HU. D. Wah! Boo-hoo. Poor babies. It’s so hard!

They are currently discussing and bringing to a vote one of two development projects bringing a destination hotel to Downtown Livermore, a new and bigger parking garage, neither over 3 stories! A new downtown park! (Like we have none now) New housing units, but no low-income housing!  increase to the tax base and hotel taxes! And building and meter fees to the City coffers! Squee. Give me a break. SMDH.

If I am wrong about any of this, excuse me. As a homeless individual who could suffer another stroke existing in this chaos, hearing about the debate over a new parking garage next to the Bankhead and a Destination Hotel like this is Disneyland while I have to sleep in a car at churches with hostile neighbors, doesn’t make me…ummm… sympathetic to the City’s plight. Fucking bastards. The Major has made to very obvious he “dislikes” the homeless and doesn’t want them here.

THEN FUCKING DO SOMETHING ASSHAT!

Thank you for reading my venting today.

The DMV has gotten a bad rap. There are helpful people by phone.

In Memorium

There was a kind, benevolent soul who also happened to be the other half of a wonderful duo. We came to know him as Bob, because Donna was always in lead, in the limelight, bowed at the feet of our dear Mother. The homeless of Livermore & Pleasanton are her flock.  Donna and Bob’s flock And if it weren’t for Donna, Bob would have been sitting in his recliner watching the game.

Bob was never chatty. He had dry sayings that served his mood,  such as “same shit different day”. He was direct. You just had to know and accept what Donna said was the law. You never spoke ill of Donna, you never spoke against Donna, Donna was above any commentary – even when it was in her regard. Bob would defend his wonderful wife against all. And we loved him for that.

Bob passed on Saturday evening, Januar 11, 2020.

He left his life with Donna to be in his Maker’s Presence, to join old friends like Henry, to see his parents again.

We’ll miss you Bob. We will look after Donna and keep her safe.

Selfish-Uneducated-Nincompoop Day

Welcome to Sunday! Let me tell you what is happening to us.

Because we are “homeless” and are, therefore “derelicts”.

Livermore created a Safe Parking Program and are using CityServe Tri-Valley as the facilitator for the program. You have to be vetted and approved to participate. Get a monthly card. There are 6 different locations throughout the city of Livermore and mostly church parking lots. We have our own Security Guards (Company with 3 employees to watch us for the week). We check in with them and sleep in our car. There is a handicapped port-a-potty for our use, which the guards have the key for the lock. They will usually unlock it for us when they arrive at 7pm. We are welcome after 7pm, but we can’t leave and return. No in and out privileges.

Basically, we have a secure place to sleep and pee. That’s it. And you have to leave by 7am. That’s it. Park. Sleep. Leave. Don’t make a mess and don’t piss off the neighbors. Got it.

The neighbor’s don’t agree with this philosophy. They are the “not in my backyard” crowd. NIMBY’s. They have made their presence known.

Nosey folk have driven up to the guard and inquired. Others have called the police. Some just group together and watch us – with the “understanding” that they “take care” of those who step out of line. They don’t want the activities of the Creek People to poison their pristine little neighborhoods. Soil their children. Their pristine thoughts.

Maybe they should stop imagining what we will do and actually see what we don’t do.

I may accept the fact I am homeless, I may be treated like I am homeless, but I will be damned if I “act” like their version of homeless. Whatever the fuck that is.

Why do people have to be that way? Destroy something they “think” is bad. What they think is bad that doesn’t exist. I just don’t get it. Can someone explain?

And changing the lock on the port-a-potty? They are being rented by the City for our specific use and now “concerned citizens” have made one location unavailable. Good job? Mission accomplished? We’ll stop parking here? God Christian thoughts and actions?

Nah. Thanks for the fodder for a blog post you uneducated nincompoop’s.

I’ve Succumbed. I Am Homeless.

Nothing has changed, but the finality of my situation has enveloped me. There is no help due to their being no scraggly crevices to stick is in. And I have no strength to look.

No one cares (I know this is difficult, but be patient), they’re going through the motions (I’m going to be your Navigator to help you through this process – where’ve you been this last year?), we need to make sure we have all your paperwork (how many people need the same damn thing? and for what?).

Copies of my Social Security card, my SSI award, my bank account – all at my fingertips and provided, but when an opportunity comes up they will need documentation with a date within a week. What? Social Security cards don’t ever change and award letters don’t either. You get a Cost of Living increase once a year and I just got mine. A fresh print from SS? I can’t request it online because their 3rd party facilitator – Equifax – has my file locked and what I have to do to get unlocked isn’t easy or enjoyable AND I CAN’T USE A POBOX!

It’s frustrating.

I hate calling Social Security anyway. It takes too long and simple requests are something they have difficulty understanding.

And driving to Hayward to get a printout for something I already have is ludicrous.

Blah.

Another County servicer will be in contact with us Monday to make sure we are on track to receive housing! To help ger our paperwork in order! To make it easier for us!

Shut up! I believed that 8 months ago and the apartment they were speaking of never came to fruition. Because of an internal document verifying how long each of us has been homeless. They had access to the same resources we do……/ MAKE A PHONE CALL!

We have to give them a piece of paper? Why? It’s a freaky mess, makes little sense and it’s not for “anyone” who has seen us homeless and living in a car. They want this on the company letterhead with a description of what they witnessed. Who can testify to that! With a specific date a year ago? It’s insane.

If you saw a doctor, therapist or psychiatrist, get documentation from them! I can give them phone numbers to call, and we’ve signed ROIs (Release of Information). They have permission to access my medical records, and yet they still need me to get their stupid form completed to their satisfaction!”

Can you tell they’re pissing me off with their ineptitude?

I hate how they handle everyday shit. They create obstacles!

I am too tired and mentally done for this crap.

Tuesday Testimonials

Day Three of days with purpose typing. It reminds a little of what I am doing on YouTube – A Day in My Life Daily Vlog (under vylinghart@gmail.com – I might be able to name it soon since I’m regularly adding video, guess what I’ll name it? Hehe).

I have a hope to build a small media empire (sure) to be able to bring light to the homeless situation here in Alameda County, Tri-Valley Area, the East Bay of the San Francisco Regional Area, since all people hear is San Francisco which is pretty much a world away for most here in the Tri-Valley Area without a Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) ticket.

This will grow and change. This is my plea and my cause. And God’s plan for me, whether you believe in that or not, but I do.

So, for today, I will give a testimonial, though some of you have more than likely thought “haven’t you DONE that consistently”? To a degree.

I have always been a person who wanted to be “clean”. Groomed. Bathed. Hair styled and makeup subtle. Contact lenses on and glasses put away since they are an obstruction on my face and I don’t see as well. Or breathe easily. Thank God they don’t use glass anymore, but polycarbonate. Remember the phrase “Coke bottle glasses”? How thick the glass bottoms were on a bottle of Coke? That would be me!And those polycarbonate lenses coatings fail, they scratch, and the lenses become cloudy. And there is nothing you can do when the coating starts to fail. My “current” predicament. I’ve worn my contact lenses 2 days this month, since I had access to bathroom and could wash my hands and be sanitary.

Speaking of 2 days, I have taken a shower twice this month. When I showered on CHristmas Eve, I hadn’t showered in over 2 weeks, 3 for Will. The last time was when went to Del Valle Regional Park and used the showers in the campground. It was more than two weeks for both of us at that point.

Being at our very adult age, being denied the human need of bathing is so difficult. We could have gone to the church who offers it once a week or 3 days a week, but we had appointments with doctors or therapists, and we have to camp out for hours or loose our spots. As with everything being homeless, hurry up and wait. What else do have to do? Indeed.

There is much about homelessness that is hurry up and wait, which is interesting when there are few places you can go. There is the McDonald’s on P Street, or the library. I choose Starbucks due to the WIFI and tea. But, when I first became homeless, I didn’t know where I could go. There is no checklist for “If you’re homeless in Livermore”. We’ve got the Labs (Lawrence Livermore) here, so there is money. Hell, Martha Stewart has been here. We are not an island in a vast wasteland.

Though, it does cause you to contemplate (often) how did I come to this situation. Will and I have the same issue – loyalty to the family name and family pride. Will was Dorothy’s Grand Champion, her knight in shining armour. He did his mother proud! Caring for her for over 10 years and not expecting anything – and that’s the problem. He expected nothing, but his brother destroyed any sense of truth or valuing family when Gary had him removed as his mother’s executor, and HE probably stole the copy of the trust that Will had at the house (Since Gary and Colleen treated Dorothy’s house as their property entering any time they wanted). Will valued family. Gary does not, especially his brother who is an obstacle to everything, supposedly.

I valued family. What little I had that Gun hadn’t destroyed all sense of. I just remember Dad asking me to take care of her if anything happened to him. She would outlive him, he knew. Well, she made sure of that! And I did, because I promised Dad. She was like a poison to my soul, but I wouldn’t let Dad down, even after death. Did she appreciate my “sacrifice”? Ah, hell no! She complained that I lived in her house. She complained that I had clothes of mine in her closet. She complained that my Diabetic diet intruded on her “groceries” and caused her fridge to “smell” (fresh produce smells like fruits and vegetables, not moldy trash). When I cooked dinner for us, she complained about the smell and the stove being on (could cause a fire, afterall) and complained about the dishes that had to be washed (which I did since the dishwasher was “broken” due to lack of use and rubber dying out). Because eating one of two frozen dinners was so healthy? She was malnourished and trying to get her to eat produce was so difficult, unless it was in a frozen dinner or a can with high fructose corn syrup.

Dorothy wanted to eat a Swiffer. Gunn wanted to eat anything that wasn’t freshly made. Dorothy didn’t try to kill Will. She adored her oldest boy. I had loved Gunn, as one does the mother-figure in her life, but I didn’t like or trust her. I had decades of reasons why not to. And after her death, I learned of the extent of her machinations of separating Dad from his family. Regardless of your personal reasons for disliking your in-laws, to not notify his family that he is dead is so fundamentally wrong on so many levels. Did you hate his ex-wife so much, and their son, that you couldn’t see past that you homewrecker? Even after 43 years?

Hindsight is 20/20, and Gunn had so may tells. So much makes sense now that I know the missing details. The truth shall set you free, and that sentiment should be engraved on her headstone. It set her free, set me free, and can alleviate Dad’s soul of so much grief and loss that can never be corrected. I am absolved of guilt, much to her chagrin.

What I still can’t understand is why her family thinks I’m lying. Spoilt child not getting her way (Fuck up Freddy. Your Dad was a shit, treated your mother like shit, and my Dad defended her. DEFENDED HER. Get that through your head, but the apple doesn’t fall far from THAT tree, does it?). This is what I do not understand, other than intense denial for something they never saw with their own eyes. She was their older sister. Always putting on airs, being better than everyone else, living a Hollywood lifestyle and forgetting her Norwegian Farming and Christian roots. Forgetting all the morality taught to her by her parents. Claiming to be Born Again, when she never picked up a bible, listened to a sermon, went to Church other than on Christmas, or practiced Christian Kindness ever! The woman they thought she was never existed in MY lifetime. She lied to them for decades, and they heard nothing else. Saw nothing else.

To bring this full circle, Gunn is the one who gave me the personal expectations that I live by. How my clothes could never be dusty, or – God forbid – muddy. Why dogs were never allowed in the house, due to their being so filthy. Having to “dress” to get the mail, go to the grocery store, or do gardening. She never left the house without mascara. How critical she was over my weight, my marriage, my reading, my knitting, my needlework, my lack of children. All intentionally done to provoke her! To put her in a bad light. Newsflash, battleax, it ain’t your life! If she were alive today and she knew it had been more than 2 days since I had bathed, she would be livid! A personal embarrassment her. Wouldn’t matter the cause, just that her tender delicacies would be bruised.

Lack of bathing, sleeping in a car, not doing laundry for a month, so many no-no’s. What choice have I had? Not a plethora.

The Sun is Receding

I have a lot of time to think when my brain isn’t in chaos or Will is rattling on about cars or RV’s or what his brother has done to him. The usual noise pollution. Just chillin’ at a Starbucks with a cup of tea. I had $2.35, so I could afford that. I get my Social Security in a few days. Let’s see how long it lasts this month. Hopefully, longer than 10 days.

At least my storage units are up to date this month. Don’t have to worry about that, and I was able to wrap my head around how we could reduce storage, pay less and have more room! It doesn’t hurt that the place I have 2 units now is cheaper than the other 2 places. I just have to work out how to move everything with Will’s bad back and my shelving in Brentwood Unit 1 with the shelving pegs in Brentwood Unit 2 or Livermore Unit 1. Is it any wonder why my brain defaults to chaos? Too much to keep track of while living in a car.

Enough of that. I need to word vomit my brain because it’s nauseous.

I consider myself a Follower of Christ, not a Christain. There is a difference. I don’t seek forgiveness for the sins of the week with Sunday cleansings. Hypocritical Sunday Christians drive me bonkers. Especially those twisted f’ers that think Gay’s have a master plan to destroy the Church.   The only reason they are Gay is to destroy the church. It’s a choice. Anyone who thinks that or that Gay can be prayed away needs deep psychological counseling. Like the Vice President, who calls his wife Mother.

Ever heard of that thing about God making us in His image? Was there an exclusion? You don’t ignore children born with Down Syndrome or Spina Bifida? Claim they chose that life? Being Gay isn’t an illness, neither is it a choice and you can’t pray away who you are. What I know of, what has happened to others, the commentary, the abuse, the torture, the pain they NEVER asked for. They just want to live their life and have NOTHING to do with yours, so why be so nosey and get up in their grille about their “lifestyle”.

News flash – it isn’t a lifestyle, it is their actual LIFE. Quit being such a busy body and find another “cause” you can bitch about. And if the word FAGGOT or DYKE or CUNT is in your vocabulary, read a book and expand your brain asshat. Why be a Baby Trump when we can’t stand the Old Man (so old and fat and gross). Living in Livermore, we run into Trumpers and other racists, discriminators, supremacist lovers often. Old white men set tables out with info in front of the post office. Vote for Trump! Thanks but no thanks. My family suffered at the hands of the 3rd Reich. I don’t want to see the fully realized 4th Reich in my lifetime.

Enough about Christians. Why is there a theme of giving at Christmas? Why is there a theme of helping at a Chruch when proselytizing is what happens too often? The two are connected, as evidenced these past few weeks. First, let me say that we truly appreciate the kindness shown by church members and individuals that saw our need and gave. The cookies were very nice. Toothbrushes and toothpaste are much-needed items. Cup of Soup is welcomed and very useable. Hotel snags like shampoo and conditioner – not so much. We see dozens of these wherever we go for warm food or outreach.

You know what we didn’t see much of this season? Gift cards. To Subway or McDonalds or Starbucks.  Safeway Fuel Cards. They have no cash value. We can’t buy booze or cigarettes with them anyway. And so what if we bought a pack of smokes. A bottle of beer. How dare we use your hard-earned money for such useless comfort items? Because we are homeless. We can’t buy anything warm with EBT, or alcohol or cigarettes. Hell, you can’t but incontinence pads with EBT, or shampoo or soap. Just food – but nothing hot in Califonia. They can in Arizona. Will is supposed to get $40 more per month since he is homeless. Does he? Do I? No.

My face hurt so much this morning due to the cold and sleeping in the car. We’re both sick now. I slept with my coat on and tried to cover my face with the blanket, but breathing through my mouth made it too uncomfortable to continue. Thanks to Donna McKenzie, Will and I were able to get coats last week. We have her to thank for the room at Christmas. Sleeping in the car is so dehumanizing! I hate staying in a motel room and the cost that it takes, but it is so much better than a car. Especially when you’ve got a cooktop and a fridge! It’s like living like royalty!

You can’t get a place to live for 2 adult people in their 50’s for less than $2000 in this area – and that $2000 is more than likely for a ROOM. There are no apartments that are affordable without all our money going.  $2000 in rent would leave us with $200 from Will’s General Assistance and his food stamps for the month. That $2000 better include utilities, because there would be none leftover after the cell bill and car insurance was paid. And forget about driving anywhere. We would have to ration where we drove so we filled up the tank just once a month. No money saved for oil changes or repairs or even windshield wipers.

We have talked to all available resources regarding housing. Disabled people aren’t top of the list. I’m disabled with a brain injury and I am severely struggling to survive living in my car. Will has to have surgery and needs further diagnosis so he has some quality of life. He could get a job, but he can’t with a bad back.  I see why he was an alcoholic. If I had the money and no responsibilities, if I just didn’t care anymore and had accepted that living wasn’t worth it anymore, I would drink myself to death too.

Because of the post-stroke emotional incontinence, I cry every day because I have no other outlet. If you don’t get it, I HATE THIS LIFE AND LIVING LIKE THIS. I’d rather eat Chicken McNuggets than burnt vegetables, cheap hot dogs too small for regular buns, sauerkraut (yes, they served sauerkraut at the food kitchen *shudder*) and a fruit blend with underripe melon which gave me the runs last night – in 40F weather with no close bathroom other than Safeway.

Friday’s and Sunday’s have Safe Parking at the worst location – the old City Council Chambers next to the Police Station and you need the Security Guards to escort you into the Restroom. Hopefully, I won’t fill my drawers while going through that keeping a smile on my face and not showing frustration at the Guards. It’s not their fault. Just the City of Livermore who will not dedicate a space for the homeless – like the Old City Council Chambers – for a Winter Warming Shelter with cots.

Leave the homeless outside roaming the city, sleeping in front of the closed OSH store, or a bus bench, or in the Creek that floods multiple times every winter. Let the Church’s and Donna McKenzie deal with the homeless. It’s their “mission” anyway, God’s children and that nonsense. Let the homeless, that take advantage of the Homeless Refuge, sleep on yoga mats on the floor. And if you’re disabled and can’t get up of the floor – or even be able to lay down on the floor – make the best of it and tough it out. Hopefully, a Watcher will realize you have mobility issues and doesn’t yell at you at 6am to hurry and get up! You need to be out by 7am because the church neighbors don’t want your kind loitering in their neighborhood. And the Warming Reuge has sufficient watchers WHO VOLUNTEER because otherwise they are closed.  At least Donna has sleeping bags and pillows THAT ARE DONATED. Livermore pays for shit. This parking program IS helpful, but those with motor homes can’t participate. There are not many who have cars or want to do through the approval process.

We think San Francisco is bad – welcome to wonderful Livermore in the East Bay! We’ve got a plan to eliminate the homeless issue!

No they don’t. They’ve seen this getting worse for years and choose to tackle a small ratio while complaining how so many come from elsewhere and settle here.  I could have stayed in Contra Costa and I would be dead now. I should have stayed there and not inconvenienced your fine city, or gone to San Francisco.

Hey, Livermore just had their first Pride Event this year. Not in June, of course, but they finally acknowledged that segment of the population.

If I had plenty of downtime with WIFI, I could write more coherently and not so angry. My life is falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it. For God’s sake, someone who can – help us!