Today is Wednesday, I Think

I’m in a flu induced haze. I call it Danny Plague since he gave it to us for Christmas. Merry indeed. Bah humbug. *Cough*Wheez*Collapse*Sleep*

One day melts into the next and EVERYTHING is the same, except the amount of rainfall overnight, how wet we are in the car, how cold we are in the car and how sick we still are in the car. It all comes down to the car and how much worse it all is.

I have tried to update my Youtube channel daily, but “daily” isn’t happening. You can see the latest “A Day in My Life” here https://youtu.be/zW9Q2BgTsSg

When I can make it a OneTinySoapbox Channel, I will. Need to do research and study, but there are only so many hours in a day and when those hours are plagued impacted it’s a crapshoot.

Just like contacting an attorney. I have contacted dozens and the only one who was interested needed a down payment for an expert. You had a stroke, they told you you had a stroke, what is the problem? They didn’t tell you what kind? Does that matter? Yeah, it kinda does. Especially since I’m still suffering from the results of it. And they missed a bunch of stuff. Well. that doesn’t matter. You’re still alive and that is what matters. But….my quality, or lack thereof, of life? Pishposh. that is not OUR concern.

I am so cold. I have had the chills for days and it won’t improve with the temperature not getting out of the low to mid 50’s for the next two weeks.  And rain.  I haven’t had a shower since Christmas Eve and it doesn’t look likely for another few weeks. Hell, we need to laundry anyway.  And my glasses are getting worse, as is my vision. I don’t know what I can do about that except try to schedule with my BARA doctor and have the surgery approved to stop the Eye Aneurysms. And wait for stabilization. And THEN get a new eye prescription. That will be a few months out and just glasses as usual. I can forget contact lenses as they are not a necessity. Who wants peripheral vision anyway? Or be able to see in the rain? Or not have to worry about sneezing while driving and knocking over your glasses? Or worry about fog on your glasses? Or being able to breathe normally? Certainly not me. Not since the age of 11.

I can type anything, but who will listen. Suzy, you did an awesome thing! You contacted the local paper! Thank you! It makes a difference. And those of you who contributed $5 to our campaign – bless you! But does that make a difference in the long run? It may keep us alive with hope but it doesn’ change much for us. Just plodding ahead one day at a time. My goal is $100,000 and my campaign has raised $4880. In a little over a year. That’s $406.66 a month. It helped get us into hotel rooms, paid for needed repairs to the car, even a hot meal at a restaurant, but we never used any of that money just blow it on “fun”. We have never gone to a movie. We camped. That is as exciting as it got. And we enjoy camping when we aren’t going to freeze to death.  Or be flooded out.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/life4wng20

To help us. I don’t know how much more I can take before I hit my cap. I don’t want to die, but living like this isn’t a “choice”.

A Different Approach

I am thinking of different topics to address, as opposed to poor, pitiful me, and since this is a topic I am currently a statistic of, why not?

Homelessness nationwide is an issue, but the West Coast has been particularly hard hit. An estimated 500,000, or 1/2 Million, individuals nationwide are in uninhabitable housing, the pleasantly cleansed word for delicate souls. Or is it non-racist? Politically correct? Respectful? Fuck No! I am in uninhabitable housing!  I am homeless. And whatever non-offensive phrasing you, Mr. Government Amoeba Paperpusher/Dr. Sleepy Pants HUD Secretary, use it will be no different. Unless I am like too many, sleeping in a tent in a creek bed, wrapped up in a sleeping bag under a tree or wrapped in a cardboard box, or in a dumpster, I am still homeless in my car. A car is uninhabitable housing!

Your survey is wasted tax dollars as it is highly inaccurate, as usual. How do I know? I was asked to be involved in the Homeless Count this year and the parameters are a joke.

A few weeks before the “Night” they decide to do the count (a night? Really!?), a group of volunteers per a district get together to discuss “What to look for”. It was laughable, insulting and disgraceful. I will give you an idea what was suggested to look for:

  • People with shopping carts and too many shopping bags
  • Disheveled people, visibly unbathed, carrying odd things
  • Mismatched or ill-fitting clothing
  • Puddles next to parked cars, i.e. human waste (Loved that one. NOT!)
  • Large amount of personal litter, next to a car

Let me say, the majority of the questions were answered by homeowners that fall into the category of “Not-in-My-Backyard”. Nimby’s. The Homeless know them too well. Sadly, many Homeless are also drug addicts, alcoholics, mentally ill, off-their-meds, DGAF, etc. Thieves have a home, or a hole, or a safe place to hide. Homeless don’t. Do some break into homes? Yes. But, the chronically homeless still have enough self respect to respect other people’s property, unless they are family. That’s a completely different dynamic that I won’t address, because I have no personal knowledge with a normal family. Dysfunctional, you betcha!

The majority of homeless people are very self-conscious about their appearance. Bathing regularly is a must. Keeping properly groomed is a must, especially men! There are those who are so physiologically gone, that grooming isn’t something they are aware of. And there are those that are so far gone in their addiction, or allusion, that it doesn’t matter. They are the ones that in the “community”  *we* stay away from.

I will give you an example. I’ll call him Ned. I have no  personal association with a Ned, other than Ned Flanders, so I can’t offend anyone.

Ned is a couple of years younger than me. Ned is homeless, has a grown daughter and living parents. Ned smokes pot and does meth and God knows what all. He is also a part-time hoarder. He hoards stuff until it disappears, or is stolen, or he believes it is stolen, or he gives it away. He desperately wants a woman in his life. I know this first hand, and had to deal with some shit he said about Will. Will has known him longer, better than 2 years? I think. Ned has had medical issues, had a heart attack, severe water retention issues, edema. He’s kinda fucked up y’all. Now, he had built a fire at his campsite with treated pallet boards and it impacted his eyes. He told me yesterday that he needs an optical surgery and they may have to take his eyes. He could see me, and this has been an issue for a couple of months. I don’t doubt Ned has a severe issue, but being homeless and needing medical care is a huge one! And he will routinely make a mountain out of molehill. Many know his parents and have met them or his sister, so the homeless grapevine is healthy and thriving and keep the fables at bay. I do care for Ned, but my partial brain can’t handle his little boy crying wolf routine. Others, including Will and I, have real health issues that will eventually kill us, not self-inflicted bull-pucky exaggerations. Being Stoned or High is self-inflicted and I just don’t care. Haven’t since I was 17 and some things just don’t change.  You’re an addict and want to live that life? Have at! Just don’t think I want a special invitation to join you.

Just so you are aware, most homeless don’t defecate next to their vehicle.  Some might, if they can’t find a bush and I know a few whacks that defecate in the public square intentionally, but they have problems that were dealt with at those “Hospitals” back in the day. The practice of dogs not shitting where they sleep is also  human trait. We use public restrooms at Safeway, Starbucks, Panama Bay, Ross, TJ Maxx, Carl’s Jr., McDonald’s. We like to wipe our bottoms and wash our hands, thank you! And we do not leave it a mess. If you think we loose all sense of human decency, you are wrong. My God, Will is so fastidious he drives me nuts! He has to shave regularly and complains when he sees himself as unkempt! Clean clothes without stains are a big deal. And a pleasant color palette.   He is Gay after all. Some behaviors will not change. That’s why he makes me chuckle. I love him to death, even when he is Gayer than Christmas Bloomies.

I guess, I could say it simply, perception and reality don’t talk, meet, or have anything to do with each other. And a few small-minded people can dream up whatever they wish, but it won’t make it so.

 

 

https://www.insider.com/map-how-many-homeless-americans-there-are-in-each-state-2019-11

Good News – We’re Still Alive

I know….I haven’t published an update in months. I can explain.

My award from Social Security came through. There was a snoopy dance and rib eye fir dinner and I took care of:

1. My car registration

2. The overdue rental fees on my storage units

3. Cutty (Dad’s Cutlass) finally got fixed

4. I bought camping gear

5. I learned how to camp

6. I discovered that having Social Security doesn’t change a damn thing

I have an income. I no longer qualify for food stamps because I’m not poor anymore. Well, I qualified for $15 a month. A steady diet of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is in my future!

I’m a homeless diabetic. Today, the Church that provides meals to the homeless served lasagna and tasteless vegetables. They had some yogurt and mixed fruit. I ate that. And half a Turkey sandwich from 7 Eleven that was on special. $2 Wednesday!

If I had a home, I could cook. Make meals. Plan meals and freeze. Buy cheap frozen dinners when they’re on sale and never have to worry about my “numbers” again (blood glucose/A1C). I’d never have to worry about needing a bathroom or where my bed would be tonight. I wouldn’t have to worry about being seen when I am incontinent and lean up against the car or sit on a picnic bench to pee for 10 minutes. There is no communication between the down below and central command. The stroke severed most communication and I don’t see a doctor until December. I’m still trying to get a portable commode and Depends since my insurance will cover it, but the Company doesn’t have a street address to send it too. I don’t have a street address? I’m homeless? Well, the doctor needs to tell them for it to be approved. Medicare doesn’t know that I don’t live in an approved domicile. And I can’t specify that, only a doctor.

?????WTAF??????

And I’m “car camping” in Fremont tonight so I can see my endocrinologist tomorrow so I can get my diabetic medication refilled SINCE SHE HASN’T ANSWERED ANY CVS PHARMACY REQUEST FOR 3 MONTHS!!! And she’s leaving the practice next week, and yesterday they were going to schedule an appointment with another endocrinologist in that group in a month, but since I wanted to file a complaint with her supervisor, I can see her at 10 this morning.

How convenient. I’m still bitching to my medical provider. This is utter bullshit.

There’s no emergency housing in Alameda County, just shelter beds with rules and regs and “treatment” for any of my addictions. I’m vaping not smoking anymore. I don’t do drugs, unless they are prescribed to keep me alive. I’m not an alchie.

There are days I sleep 20 hours. There are spans up to 74 hours that I can’t sleep a wink. And a shelter won’t care, other than see a doctor. I have! I had a stroke. I have a TBI. As the damage is quantified, strategies can be developed to deal with each issue. Except I have no one working with me.

And I’m homeless with my friend who is an alcoholic, desperately needs spinal surgery and is undergoing a biopsy to gauge the progress of his prostate cancer so he can have radiation, not radical surgery to make him impotent and incontinent (like me). He’s accepted his gayness since his Mom died. He hasn’t had the time/opportunity/freedom/courage to be “gay” as he wants to be yet. Neither of us has found the love we have always needed – our other half.

Will and I have a friendship that is almost that relationship, but we aren’t each other’s half. If you have it, then you know. I’ve come close a couple of times, I’ve been married twice, I’ve had boyfriends. Ans.my heart has been broken more than once. I’m a great hag, but fail to be a good wife or even just a girlfriend. Breasts too small, butt too wide, not enough airhead or bubbly dunce that let’s a man feel manly.

Now, being homeless, and failure at adulting to the list of faults.

I bought a new laptop with my Award money. It’s with the Geek Squad at Best Buy since in the 5th occasion of use, the screen was cracked. Having never “cracked” a screen on any piece of electronics before – laptops, cell phones, PDAs, all the way back to the first handheld games in the 70’s – I took it back to Best Buy, showed them no damage to the Laptop, but the cracked screen has gotten worse. It was the left 1″ section, now it’s 3″. They have sent it to their lab in Kentucky and I am waiting on their determination and what they will charge me for my “oopsie”. And it better be “it’s Dell’s issue, their was a flaw”.

My Sony laptop has lasted 10 years. A Dell can’t “last” 6 weeks? With it’s own heavyduty dedicated backpack it shares with nothing but it’s own power cord and mouse? The Sony had to share a bag with my Franklin and finance files. Still waiting. It’s been 2 weeks.

If you want to help, spread our story. Promote our GoFundMe

A Fresh New Start

I had a blog for a few years. That was with Blogger, and kinda died. I’ve got Facebook, but it’s become a label factory. It’s not a license to be a douche, people. So, I’ve taken my tiny soapbox to the Internets to put my opinion to a broader audience. What will I write about? Whatever comes to mind. There will be sharing of what I’m doing in a post-stroke new life. There will be posts on knitting. It’s been too much a part of my life. Stuff on siblings that I didn’t know I had. Photography stuff. Beer experiences. Books. And the occasional rant over something. Probably political.

Join me on this new venture. And wish me luck!