Soul Moment

I thought I should try an ongoing-theme-day. Doing Soul reflections/moments, seemed like a good one.

 Heidi and I Spring 1990

This picture was taken in early summer 1990 in Lake Elsinore and I am holding my 6 month old fur baby Heidi. My furry shadow. She was with me through 2 husbands, my father’s death, years of travel and aching loss. We saw the Sunset from the Northern Rim of the Grand Canyon while exploring the Southwest, and we experienced snow in Idaho. For 16 years, she was my quiet companion. Often, my copilot in the Montero.

Heidi in Idaho

My little wolf. She was an amazing soul. She went through so much training and she was so friendly and accomodating. She would have been a wonderful Service Dog. She sensed my moods, knew and protected me when I had migraines, or just put our other dog – Fen – in his place when he was being a noisy boy. And she was trained in track, trail and search. We did search and rescue a few times in North Orange County and Heidi found children easily enough. Adults, not as quickly. You told her to “find the baby”, gave her the scent and she was off like a rocket! When I moved to NorCal, she had been with Dad for a year before I could come and get her. No more trail or rescue for her.

Cuddling 1200

Heidi was as much Dad’s as my dog. He named her – with the name Gunn had intended for me! LOL Good one, Dad! Dad was Grandpa, Gravy Man (he made special gravy for her kibble since she was a very finicky eater), and Mr. Walkies. This was the last Christmas he was able to come to our house and he loved having Heidi close. The next winter, She (Gunn) had “convinced” him that he didn’t need blood thinners with a pacemaker and he wasn’t taking them by Thanksgiving and by Christmas he was throwing mini blood clots that led to multiple strokes and Congestive Heart Failure by New Years and his death by March.

We came and were with Dad for his last Christmas. I spoke to him on the 22nd, 2001, Gunn’s birthday, and we were in Las Vega having a family get together with Kevin’s Family. Cut that short and headed home to NorCal to get the dogs and headed to SoCal and their house. Gunn was paranoid about the dogs ruining her house. Well, Heidi had been an indoor dog when Gunn wasn’t around or when I moved her to NorCal – and she NEVER pee’d in a house. Gunn had area rugs all over the place she had bought at Walmart – no doubt with Dad in tow and suffering. Dad’s cardiologist had an absolute fit when he found out and had Dad’s Primary Care Doctor forced into Retirement due to his Alzheimer’s while treating patients.

But, Heidi did bring Dad comfort and serenity being there with him. I wish I had brought her again to be with him before he died. But Gunn. She flatly refused to accept he was dying due to her “care”. Why his cardiologist said there was no action we could take against his Primary Care doctor. I didn’t put two and two together until after I had had my stroke, and realized my infarcts wouldn’t have started if she hadn’t thrown out “that junk I was taking everyday” because she knew more than a doctor?! That bullshit about her being a registered nurse was annoying, but not life threatening. I thought.

Narcissist+Sociopath+Dementia=People Will Die That Don’t “Listen” To Her.

I wish I had had Heidi when I had my stroke. I wish I had brought Heidi to comfort Dad when he had his. Fuck Gunn and her stupid rules. I have these wonderful memories of and with Heidi and what she DID for others.

My beautiful girl. I still miss you,furry shadow. I’ll see you someday on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. Be a good girl for Dad, kick Fen’s butt and be nice to your predecessors. Rocky, Bonnie, Shasta and Trapper all like to run and sniff and do the stuff you would like to do. You’ll be in good company. Warning – Bonnia cracks a beer every once in a while. That is, if Dad can get Coors. She was Dad’s BBQing buddy before you.

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